Tell me, you love me
by Twi-girl09
Summary: Bella is dying and wants one thing. Edward Cullen. But no one knows she is ill. What lengths will she go to, to complete her 'Bucket list? Full sum inside. Good story bad sum. Please give it a chance. Thanks. Occ au
1. Prologue

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This is my new story :). I have been playing with this idea for a while now and thought i would upload it and see what people thought of it. I would like to thank _babyCullen060596 _**for reading this and giving me the boost i needed to **upload it. I am English so 'Mom' won't be used and 'mum' will. If you don't like it I am sorry but I don't really now American slang worlds or pronunciations. I **hope you all like this story and if anyone has any questions i will try my best and answer them. Please review. Thanks a lot.**

**On with the story ;).**

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**FULL SUM: Bella has Terminal breast cancer and was given a year to live. Six months ago. She has half a year left to live, and has a list of things she wants to complete before she dies. Only her dad knows she is dying and won't tell anyone else. However she has one dream she wants the most to come true before she dies. Have her best friend, Edward Cullen, tell her he loves her. If her list is completed and Edward says that one thing, she will die happy. This is how Seventeen year old Bella Swan deals with dying. **

**Tell me you love me.**

**Prologue.**

Fighting a battle you will never win is hard. But when your life is on the line, it's even harder.

I was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer three days after my seventeenth birthday and was given one year to live. That was six months ago. They offered me chemo therapy to prolong my life, but I would lose my hair and I would be ill for a while. Also it wouldn't cure me, it would just prolong my life by about six months.

I would rather die with my own hair and be active for the best part of twelve months then die with no hair and be ill for that twelve months. If I did have chemo everyone would know what is going on and I can't have that happen.

Nobody other than my dad knows. I can't tell anyone. I have always been told I am self-less, telling people would hurt them, and I wasn't going to hurt anyone. When I first found out it was a shock, but I dealt with it.

I didn't cry when I was told, but my dad did. I held him whilst he cried and drove home because he couldn't seer the road through his tears. You see my mum died when I was fourteen due to breast cancer, and her mum before that. I guess it runs in the family.

My dad took losing my mum hard and I think losing me will be too. However we didn't know mum had cancer until as collapsed one day shopping. She died a week later in hospital.

We didn't have time to prepare for it. But for this we do. I told my dad he isn't lout to cry when I go. Nobody is even going to know. When I do go, my dad is going to tell everyone I have gone abroad to stay with his mum. I can hear him crying every night. It breaks my heart.

Knowing I have little time to live is hard. There are so many things I want to do but can't. When I was little I wanted children and to get married, live in a big house with a dog and some fish. Never going to happen.

I want to say goodbye to my friends but seeing their faces when I tell them is something I can't cope with. Since I found out I have been telling them all daily that I love them all. They all think I'm emotional, or as Emmett says, 'It's the time of the month, just everyday.' I think they are used to it now.

I'm still going to school, but I don't do gym. I can feel myself getting weaker. To be truthful, I'm scared. I'm scared to leave my dad on his own. I'm scared I will never be loved. I'm scared to die a virgin.

I want to see my eighteenth birthday, and my twenty first. If I'm lucky I will see my eighteenth but defiantly not my twenty first. But I don't voice my fears or worries. I only cry at night when I'm alone and I know my dad can't hear me.

My dad is the best dad ever. He doesn't baby me like most parents would if they knew their only child was going to die. He is very respected as he is the police chief of my hometown, Forks. Everybody knows him ad they only say good things about him.

I know he doesn't do the washing or cook every night, but he is still the best in the world. Leaving him when he can't do anything is hard, but I have no choice.

His name is Charlie Swan. His brown eyes once shined, but after losing my mum and knowing he is losing me, they have lost there shine. His brown mass of curls sit on the top of his head and he has a porn 'tache.

I also have the best friends ever. They are Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Edward. Rosalie is also in our little group but she doesn't talk to me much, why I don't know. We only stick to our group, but are friends with everyone.

Although they are all adopted 'siblings' they are all couples. Alice and Jasper are a couple and so are Emmett and Rose. Rose and Jasper are twins, both tall and blond. Rose has the body anyone woman would die for and is great with anything to so with cars. Boys literally drop at her feet. Jasper has a muscular body and is an expert with anything to do with war. They both don't talk to me as much as the other Cullens.

Emmett is big. I mean huge. He could pass for a body builder and is very intimidating if you don't know him. But I do. To me he is they big brother I never had. He acts like a kid constantly and is a big teddy bear.

Alice is very small. At first glance you would think she is a pixie, she is that small. She loves anything to do with shopping and dressing me up. Her short black bob flicks out at the ends and her golden eyes are stunning. She also has a curvy body and the boy drool over her, much to Japers annoyance.

Edward is a Greek god. He is literally breath taking. That is why I don't understand how he is single. His has weird bronze hair that is always messy, but he makes it look sexy. His face is perfectly angled and I always get lost in his golden eyes. His body is muscular but not to much. It is perfect.

They are all adopted siblings as well. They were all adopted at young ages by Dr. Cullen and his wife, Esme. They are like my second parents. Carlisle was my doctor, but when I found the lump in my breast I went to the hospital in Port Angeles.

Dr Cullen or Carlisle had blond hair and is muscular like all the Cullen boys. Esme has caramel coloured hair and is also curvy. Her and Carlisle make the perfect couple. I always wanted a marriage like theirs.

It has been my personal mission to complete a list I wrote the night I found out. It ad several thing on it I wrote for fun, like ride a horse, and other things that I need to do or hear. Like get my crush to tell me he loves me. Edward Cullen.

When the Cullens moved here two years ago I instantly fell head over heels for Edward. He is the only single Cullen. I asked him why and he said he just hasn't found the right girl yet. Many beautiful girls come up to him, but he just turns them all down.

At school the Cullens are the centre of attention everyday, but they don't care. They keep to themselves and don't listen to any gossip. that's what I love about them. They don't take anyone's crap.

They freak out if I get a paper cut, telling them I have cancer and am dying, it would kill them. Some people may say I am selfish by keeping something like this from them. If they do say that then I will agree. I am selfish.

I don't want to tell them because them knowing will hurt them, which would hurt me. So, yes, I am selfish. I'm selfish and I'm proud of it.

They way I think of it is I am joining my mum. I like to think she is in heaven and I will go there too. I haven't done anything wrong in my life to not go to heaven.

People have told me I am pretty. Alice tells me that everyday. I don't think I am though. I'm plain and boring and tell Alice that everyday. I have brown eyes and mahogany coloured hair that goes to my waist. It has a slight curl to it and t has a red tinge to it in the sun.

Alice says I have an amazing body and great boobs. I do have curves and a waist so I do agree with her there, but I would say it's amazing. I used to like my breasts. They aren't small but they aren't to big either. They were perfect until I fund out they are killing me. Making me suffer a slow and painful death.

My name is Isabella Swan and I have six months to live.

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Please tell me what you think. I do want criticism as it tells me what I need to improve on. I hope you like what you have read and I will update as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading.

Twi-girl09

x


	2. Lily's or Rose's?

**Here is the second chapter for this story : ). Please leave a review. Enjoy.**

**Lily's or rose's?**

Lily's or rose's? That is the big question at the moment. Many girls my age would ask this question, but for a different reason. They would ask it to their friends about what flowers their date will bring them tonight when they go out. I am asking because I want to know what flowers to have planted on my grave.

I don't want a big funeral. Just Charlie and one person of his choice. I don't need my college fund, so that has gone towards my funeral, as well as the life insurance Charlie was given when we found out about the cancer.

I have excepted that I am dying and I am trying to enjoy the little time I have left. Charlie however is the opposite. He doesn't like leaving me alone incase I have a bad turn and because that means less time he has with me.

I cry every now and then, but it is only when Charlie is asleep and I am in bed away from everyone. I hear Charlie crying every night when he is 'watching' the game and I am upstairs doing homework. Really he is looking on the internet, trying to find a way for me to live. There isn't one.

Terminal cancer has no cure. Can't be stopped. It eats away at you slowly, until there is nothing left. It feeds on your body, then one day your body gives up. Your body stops fighting and excepts that it is dying. Fighting a battle it will never win, but will go down fighting.

I'm glad I know. My mum, Renee, didn't know. She found out one day and died a week later after being hospitalized. If I didn't know, I wouldn't be able to do the things I wanted to do.

You see, I have a list of things I want to do before I die. I call it my 'Bucket list'. It has all my dreams in there as well as my fantasies. Charlie said that if I go before I get to do them all, he will finish the ones he can for me.

I know Charlie will take it hard when I die. Nobody else knows so he will be on his own. I have said that when I do die he can tell one and only one person of my death and they can help him through it. Who he will choose them and I have no idea who he will choose.

Currently I am sat on my bedroom floor trying to decided on what flowers to have planted by my head stone. I like rose's but I also like lily's. Maybe both. They will just die eventually anyway, everything does.

For the funeral, I don't want anything to fancy. Nobody will know anyway. Maybe one day Charlie will tell people and they can come and cry at my grave. Only Charlie will at first and that thought saddens me a little. Knowing no one will cry for me when I am dead and buried. Literally. But that is my choice.

I sigh to myself as I note down I want both types of flowers planted.

"Bells?" Charlie asks, as he pops his head around the door.

"Yeah, dad?" I looked up at him. His face was fallen and his eyes has lost their shine. The way he was looking at me broke my heart. It does every time I look at him. But I need to be strong, for the both of us.

"I was just letting you know I am going to work for a while. Will you be okay?" I nod to let him know I will be fine. He walks further in to the room and placed a soft kiss to my forehead.

"I love you, baby." His eyes filled with tears but he blinked them back.

"I love you too, dad." I could feel the tears pricking, but I wouldn't cry with him here. He doesn't need more to worry about. He offered me a small smile as he left.

I waited until I could hear his cruiser pulling out the drive way before I let a few tears fall. They ran silently down my cheeks as I gathered all the funeral information up and placed them under my bed.

Wiping the tears away I made my way down stairs and into the kitchen. Grabbing my phone off the side, I check to see if I have missed any texts. I hadn't. I sighed and put the phone in my pocket before grabbing a glass of water.

I was just taking a sip when my phone vibrate in my pocket. I jumped and the water went all over the white top I was wearing, making it see-through. I blushed and grabbed a cloth trying to wipe up the mess. I gave up after I realised the top wouldn't dry and I would have to change it.

I trudged upstairs and slipped on a black tank top before checking the text. It was from Alice. _'Coming over? Ali x x x x'. _I text back that I would be over soon. I grabbed a pen and so paper, writing a note to Charlie to let him know I would be at the Cullens and won't be home to late.

He wouldn't say no anyway. Charlie loves Alice and he knows that if anything were to happen to me, Carlisle is there and he will help straight away.

I put the note on the fridge before grabbing my keys and going out to my truck, locking the door on the way. My baby roared to life and I smiled at the sound it made. Edward doesn't like my car because it doesn't purr like his Volvo, but I wouldn't give up ol' Bessie. (A.N She named the truck Bessie)

I followed the speed limits all the way to the Cullen's grand house. That is another thing the Cullen's don't like. They all think I drive to slow, but I just don't want to push Bessie to hard. She can only go up to about sixty miles and hour.

I pulled up to the big white house and sighed at the beauty of it. It has three stories and the front wall is mostly made of windows. The walls that aren't windows, are a crisp white with ivy flowing up he sides. It truly is amazing. Esme designed this house and she had designed ay others too.

She is a interior and exterior designer. She designs houses for famous people and they pay her heaps of money. The Cullen's are a very wealthy family and they all insist on buying me gifts. I refuse but this family doesn't take no for an answer.

Carlisle is the best doctor Forks had ever seen. He doesn't need to work, but he enjoys helping other to much to quit. He is an amazing man and an amazing father to his 'children', as well as myself.

I popped open the door to Bessie and jumped out. Well more like stumbled. I'm not the most coordinated person and I am personal friends with the floor. I could hear Emmett's booming laughter from here and I blushed a deep red.

That is another thing I am famous for. My clumsiness and my blush. They are my traits and if anyone blushes it is said they are doing 'A Bella'. I don't find it funny but everyone else does.

I walked up to the door and was about to knock when it flew open and I was attacked by the pixie.

"Hey Ali." I managed to say with no breath, as she knocked it out of me. She chuckled and let go.

"Hi Bella." She skipped back into the house and I followed shutting the door behind me. This is basically my second home so I don't have to ask for anything.

I followed Alice in to the living room and everyone was in there, other than Esme and Carlisle, as they both had work. I smiled at everyone until my eyes landed on Edward. He was smiling my favourite crocked grin and I think my heart stopped before picking up at double speed.

He patted the seat next to him and I walked over, sitting on the seat he indicated for me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. The blush rose up on my cheeks, making Emmett laugh. I stuck my tongue out to him which made him laugh harder.

Everyone greeted me as Jasper put a film on. I didn't know what the film was and I wasn't really paying attention to it. I was more concerned with the feel of Edward's arm around me. It had moved from my shoulder to my waist and I was leaning on him.

This is how it has always been with us though. Since they moved here Edward has been the closest to me then the others. All the girls at school are jealous of my closeness to Edward. Little do they know I will be out of the picture in about six to seven months.

I looked around the room at all my friends. Emmett and Rose were sat on the love seat snuggled up and giving each other kisses every now and again. The look of love they shared was too much and I had to look away.

I looked to Jasper and Alice who were sharing the chair. Jasper was sat with Alice in his lap and his arms wrapped around her. He kissed the top of her head and she smiled even though he couldn't see it.

Those two couples were made for each other, as were Esme and Carlisle, and I am just glad I got to see what true love was before I die. Even if I don't get to experience it. Well I know what love feels like but not having the one you love, love you back is hard. But I am dealing with worse things right now, to be worrying about my non-existent love life.

Finally I looked up at Edward, to find him looking down at me. I blushed but didn't look away as I raked my eyes over his perfect face. The way his jaw is angled in the right way and how straight his nose is. His high cheek bones look amazing against his clear, pale skin. His full pink lips are so kissable and I just want to feel them on my own.

Eventually I looked into his golden eyes. They looked back and I could see them searching my soul as I was doing with his. Edward is so pure and kind. It makes me love him even more. Knowing I will be leaving him soon breaks my heart.

I got the sudden urge to kiss him and I had to look away. So I offered a small smile and fixed my gaze back to the television. I could still feel Edward's gaze on me but I didn't look from the screen.

Once the film had finished Alice turned to me. I smiled and she smiled back before I checked the time. It was about six and Charlie would be home soon from work. I should really get back and start his dinner.

I slowly got up as did Edward. He pulled me to him and held me. I loved the feeling of his arms around me and couldn't help but hug him back with everything I had.

"Bye Bells." He said into my hair and he kissed the top of my head. I nodded and pulled away.

Next Alice grabbed me for a goodbye. Emmett was last to hug me. Jasper and Rosalie just said goodbye, but I don't mind. They never hug me or anything so I don't take it to heart.

"I'll see you guys later. I love you all so much." I told them, tears welling in my eyes, before leaving the house and getting into Bessie. I wiped away the tears that had fallen before starting the trunk and pulling out of the long windy driveway onto the road.

I love seeing them, but hate saying goodbye to them, as I don't know when I will see them next. Or if I will see them again. The doctors said up to a year so that could be anytime really.

I hope they will forgive me for not telling them. I hope one day if they find out they will visit my grave and tell me they forgive me for not telling them. Maybe someday Jasper and Rosalie will come and tell my grave stone why they dislike me so much. I don't think I have ever done anything wrong to them.

But I also hope they never find out, I hope they just think I have gone aboard and am staying they for good. I hope they know they are the best friends anyone can ask for, but I just had to get away.

I just hope they are happy.

Emmett and Rose will get married and have babies, as will Japer and Alice. Edward will find someone who is worthy of his love and they will see the world before they settle down somewhere and raise their children. And see their children's children. Things I will never have and will never see.

I hope Charlie will find a nice woman, of course one I would approve of, and get married again. They will probably be too old to have children, but maybe she will have some already and they can watch them grow. I want Charlie happy, no matter what. He deserves some happiness right now.

I pulled up to the house to see that Charlie is still at work. I climbed out and went up to the house. I got in and went into the kitchen, throwing away the note I had written and started on dinner.

I decided on pasta for tonight. Charlie got home and we ate together before he went and 'watched' the game. I could hear his crying from here as I washed the dishes and put the clean plates away.

After I finished I said goodnight to Charlie and went upstairs. I showered, brushed my hair and teeth, before crying myself to sleep again.

**So here is the second chapter to this story. I am sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I will try and update as soon as possible. Thanks for reading. Please review whether it is good or bad.**

**Thanks again.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	3. 20: Jasper says relax

_A lot of people have been asking if the Cullen's are vampires. Well, you will have to read and decide if they are yourselves. I have a faint idea where this story is going. I am just writing and following the storyline. Thanks._

_**After I finished I said goodnight to Charlie and went upstairs. I showered, brushed my hair and teeth, before crying myself to sleep again.**_

**20: Jasper says relax. **

The alarm echoed loudly around my room. I shut it off and pulled myself out of bed. I hadn't slept well and I could feel how tired my body was. Tired because of the lack of sleep and tired because it was slowly giving up.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and hair, before getting dressed in some plain jeans and a black long sleeved top. I find I get colder that everyone else would because of my immune system is dying.

I threw my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head and made my way downstairs. I decided on cereal today. I though about some things while eating. If I wasn't dying would I be how I am? Would I be reckless and stupid? Would I feel the way I do about Edward?

I know I would feel this way about Edward. It was a stupid thought. I sighed and put my bowl in the sink. I would wash it when I got home from school.

School. I hate it. It's a waste of the time I have left. It isn't like I am going to graduate and et a good paying job, but all my friends are there. If I didn't go I would be sat at home all day doing nothing. Charlie would be at work and everyone would be at school.

I need to enjoy the little time I have left and being with the people I love is doing just that. I looked out the window at the rain and sighed. Why does it always rain? Couldn't we have just one day of sun?

A horn beeped outside. Edward. He picks me up most days for school, except when they all go camping about once every two weeks. Why I don't know. I quickly pulled on my converse and grabbed my bag, heading out into the rain.

Edward was opening my door when I got to the car. I thanked him and climbed in quickly, trying to keep as dry as possible. He ran around and got into his side. Edward is such a gentle man.

"Good morning." he smiled his crooked grin at me and my heart sped up. I loved the effect he has on my. I will miss it.

"Hello." I replied. A blush spreading across my cheeks. He grinned and ran a finger across my cheek bone. I think my heart stopped. He grinned and pulled his hand away, starting the car.

The ride was filled with a comfortable silence. It is always comfortable with Edward around. He pulled up next to Emmett's jeep and got out. I was about to open my door but he was already there with it open, waiting for me. I mumbled a thanks and quickly got out, grabbing my bag.

We went and joined the rest of the gang in front of Emmett's jeep. Rosalie turned her nose up and walked away. I sighed and looked down, playing with a stone with my shoe. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind and I let out a scream. Emmett's booming laugh vibrated against my back and I instantly relaxed, blushing again.

Everyone joined in with the laughter while I tried to regulate my breathing. Once everyone calmed down, Emmett turned to me.

"I'm sorry Bellsy. But your face was so funny." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Oh. Sorry I screamed. I just wasn't expecting it." I shrugged.

We fell into a conversation then. Rosalie joined the group again, but wouldn't look at me. If she did, her icy stare made a shiver go through me and I backed away. She is one scary chick.

I got thinking about my list. I have twenty five things I want to do and I can do number twenty now.

"Hey Jasper?" He turned to me.

"Yeah Bella?" He asked.

"Can you tell me to relax?" I asked. He gave me a funny look but did it anyway.

I turned to Edward.

"Hey, Edward. Jasper says relax." The whole group, even Rosalie, burst out laughing for a reason I didn't know.

"You are one weird chick, Bell." Alice giggled.

We walked into the school and I went to my first lesson. English. Nothing really happened in that lesson or the one after that.

Up until lunch time, school went quickly as it always does. My life seems to be going quickly. I think it's because I don't want something to happen. Time seems to want to get there quicker.

Maybe if I went now, I wouldn't be missed. Charlie wouldn't be sad anymore, waiting for me to die. I wouldn't have to count down my days and I could join my mum in heaven. I hope she is waiting for me, if that's where I am going.

No I can't think like that I need to stay strong for Charlie. I need to live as long as possible and help Charlie except that I won't be here this time next year. I will not take my own short life away.

I want to spend as much time as possible with the people I love and make as many good memories' as I can for them. I want the to remember me. But, I want a lot of things. Doesn't mean I will get them.

I walked through the busy hallways of Fork's high. The student's smiled at me as they past and I returned it with one of my own. Most of the students here are nice, but some, not so nice. Will they remember me too?

I didn't feel like eating at lunch so I grabbed a bottle of water and joined the gang at our usual table. The only seat available was in between Edward and Alice. I sat slowly and looked down at the table. Sipping my water every now and again.

"How has your day been?" Edward ask me. I looked up at him and he was smiling his crooked grin. I love that grin. I smiled back.

"Good. Yours?" He said his has been good to before talking to Emmett about a camping trip next weekend the boys were going on. I was suppose to stay at the Cullen's with Alice.

"Your still coming. Right Bella?" Alice asked. I didn't know what they were talking about so I just smiled and nodded my head. She beamed and did a little bouncy clap thing. I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"You do realise you agreed to go shopping, right?" Edward whispered in my ear. His breath blew across my neck and I shivered unintentionally. I could of sworn he kissed my neck, but it was gone before I could register it.

A girl can wish. I looked up at him and he was looking back at me. I stared straight into his topaz orbs. They were shining brightly and filled with happiness. Someone called his name and he turned away.

After lunch I had biology with Edward. He walked with me and kept his hand on the small of my back. The touch made my whole body set a light. It was an amazing feeling. How can he make me feel like this?

All through biology we wee passing notes. Nothing important, just little things, but it was still enough to make me happy. I was going straight to the Cullens after school, as I do most school days. It's basically my second home.

I had just left my last lesson and was on my way to the car park when Jessica Stanley walked up to me.

"Hey Bella." She never talks to me. She must want something.

"Hi Jess." I said hesitantly.

"Your good friends with Edward right?" She asked. I knew it.

"Yeah?" It sounded more of a question then an answer.

"Well I was wondering if you could maybe, get him to ask me out?"

"What?" She wanted me to get Edward to ask her out?

"Get Edward to ask me out." She said and walked off. I sighed and carried on to parking lot.

Edward was waiting by his car, talking to Alice. The rain had stopped so it was safe to wait outside. I walked over and got in the car. Alice shot me a puzzled look but I just looked the other way.

If I do get Edward to ask Jessica out, I will never finish my list. If I don't, I will feel bad for Jessica. If I were to, he would say yes and they would be happy together. Isn't Edward's happiness more important than mine?

Edward eventually got in the car and started the engine.

"Hey, what's up?" Of course. He always knows when something is wrong with me.

"What do you think of Jess?" I blurted. Edward's happiness before mine.

"Stanley?" I nodded. "She's okay. Can get annoying but a nice girl. Why do you ask?"

"Would you ever date her?" Might as well get it over with.

"I don't know. Why?" That did it. A single tear fell from my eye and onto my cheek. I wiped it away before Edward could see it

Jess and Edward are going to be happy and I will leave the world never completing my list. I doubt Charlie will want to do my number one or my number or my number six.

I sighed and looked out the window at the trees passing by in a blur because of the speed we were going at. Edward didn't talk to me the rest of the way to his, I was grateful. I didn't want to talk. My voice would be thick with the tears I had coming.

We pulled over at the side of the road, not far from the Cullen house. I turned and Edward was looking at me.

"Why did you stop?" As expected my voice was thick.

"Because, you are upset and I want to know why." I shook my head and turned away again.

"Please Bella. What is that matter?"

"Jessica Stanley wants to go out with you."

"And that is why you are sad?" I nodded. "No one will ever replace you Bells. You are my best friend. Okay? You." I smiled a small smile and he started the car again.

When we arrived at the Cullen house, everyone, other than Carlisle, was there. I climbed out the car and followed Edward into the house.

**Sorry it's short, but I have a lot on with school and stuff.**

**Number twenty was: Ask Jasper to tell her to relax so she can say 'Jasper says relax' to everyone. Do you want me to put the list up on this story or just leave you al guessing? I don't mind. The chapters from now on will be based on the list and will eventually work the six months down to her last days. **

**Please review and tell me what you think. **

**Next Chapter ASAP**

**Thanks.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	4. 17: Cry because of a sad film

_"Jessica Stanley wants to go out with you."_

_"And that is why you are sad?" I nodded. "No one will ever replace you Bells. You are my best friend. Okay? You." I smiled a small smile and he started the car again._

_When we arrived at the Cullen house, everyone, other than Carlisle, was there. I climbed out the car and followed Edward into the house._

**17: Cry because of a sad film. **

As soon as I walked into the house I was immediately dragged into the living room by an over active Alice. She was literally vibrating with excitement. Why I don't know.

She seated me down on the settee next to Emmett and skipped over to the television. So we are watching a movie? Edward walked in chuckling to himself and sat down next to me on the settee.

I so badly wanted to lean into him and have him tell me he loves me, but I couldn't do that. It would be weird. He surprised me by wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I think my heart stopped. N_ot now. Please! _

I nearly laughed out loud at my own joke, but I didn't. Alice finally wired up the DVD player and skipped over to Jasper. When we were all settled she pressed the play button.

The adverts played as everyone chatted about their days. I could feel Edward's grip tighten on me, pulling me more into his hold.

"Guys be quiet. The movie is starting." Alice scolded. We all fell quiet and turned our attentions to the screen.

-x-

Once the film was over I was literally sobbing. Alice decided to watch,_ The Bucket list. _It was about two men dieing of cancer and they wanted to complete a list together. Ironic, much? My face was soaked with tears and my body was shaking with sobs.

Emmett turned to look at me and laughed when he saw the state I was in. It only mad me cry harder. Edward pulled me more to his body and tried to calm me. I relished in the feeling of his arms around my body, breathed his smell in deeply. I love this feeling.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked. I nodded and sniffled slightly. Turning away from his body, I accepted the tissue he offered and blew my nose. Rosalie shook her head and walked out the room, Emmett following after.

"Sorry about that. I shouldn't be so emotional. I didn't mean to upset Rosalie." I sniffed again.

"Just ignore her, we do." I nodded sadly. It's true they do. When ever she gets in one of her moods, they just ignore her or wind her up until she leaves. It can be funny.

"What now?" Alice asked. I know exactly what she wants to do, and she will do it, whether I want to or not. Barbie Bella. Nobody said anything so she turned to me.

"Please Bella." She knows, I know what she wants to do. I rolled my eyes, but nodded anyway. I want to spend as much time with her as I can.

"Okay Alice." I sighed. She squealed and clapped her hands.

"Come on, lets get started." In an instant she was in front of me and dragging me from Edward.

Alice skipped up the stairs talking to herself about what outfit to put me in or how to have my hair. I walked slower than she did ad when I arrived at her bedroom she already had her clothes scattered all over the floor. I shook my head, with a smile. She truly is crazy.

I plopped down onto her bed and waited for her to find the 'Perfect' outfit. I must admit, the end result is amazing. Watching her having fun is worth every minute of torture.

"Found it!" She yelled out into the room, making me jump. She skipped over to me and threw a royal blue cardigan. Alice has always told me that blue is my colour. She also passed me a black jean skirt and some blue flats.

I trudged into the bathroom and changed. I looked myself over in the mirror. The skirt finished just above my knees and showed off my pale legs. The cardigan hugged my small figure and showed some cleavage. I tried to cover it, but n hope. I gave up after a sigh.

I unlocked the door and strolled out. Alice was sorting out all her hair and make-up products.

"Sit." See instructed, not even looking at me. I walked slowly over to the chair in front of her vanity.

She grabbed a brush and ran it through my brown curls. I hadn't notice Rosalie walked in, until she appeared behind me in the mirror. She had the brush Alice was using and the hair straightners.

"Can I do her hair Alice?" Rosalie asked. I was shocked. She wanted to do my hair?

"Mmmhmm, I'll do her make-up." They set to work on me. Music started to blast from downstairs and both girls sighed at the same time.

"Emmett." Rosalie groaned quietly. As if he heard her the music turned down. Odd.

Rosalie finished straightening my hair and started to clip the front bits out of my face. Alice had also finished doing my make-up. Both moved and I looked into the mirror.

Once I saw my reflection I gasped. My normally wavy hair was straight and pulled back from my face. My pale skin had a slight blush and my eyes stood out. My lips were slightly glossy, but not in a way Jessica would wear it. I looked stunning.

"Thank you." I turned and faced them both. Alice beamed at me and Rosalie looked nonchalant. Bored.

"We had good material to start with." Alice always knows what to say.

"Yeah." Rosalie shrugged. I smiled a little. Maybe there is hope yet?

"Let's go show Esme." Alice bounced over to me and took my hand, dragin me out of her bedroom and down the stairs. Rosalie trailed behind us but when we turned to the kitchen, she joined the boys in the living room.

"Look Esme." Alice beamed happily. Esme looked up from the paper she was reading.

"Wow. You look stunning Bella." I blushed and looked down.

"Thanks. But it was all Alice and Rosalie." She looked shocked.

"Rosalie helped?" I nodded.

"I did her hair." She mumbled walking into the kitchen. "The guys want us to play with them. Guitar hero or something." We nodded and followed her back into the living room.

True to her word, the guys were setting up Guitar hero when we walked in. They each had a guitar.

"Let's do this." Emmett yelled as the first song came on. They guys were all playing this round.

It was very amusing watching the guys play. They were all drawing until Jasper did this complicated sequence and doubled his points. Emmett's face was priceless.

The round ended and of course Jasper won. Next it was me, Alice and Rosalie. They chose the song and I went along with it, not wanting to go against Rosalie. The song started and they were miles a head of me. I'm not really very good at this game, or any for that matter.

I suddenly felt a body press up behind me and a pair of hands on top of mine, controlling my movements. I jumped in shock and took in a deep breath. Edward. I looked up and he was smiling his crooked smile at me.

"I thought I'd help." He whispered in my ear. His breath ran over my neck and a shiver travelled the length of my spine and made me shiver, and not from the cold.

"You look stunning, by the way. Simply beautiful." I blushed at his comment but kept my eyes on the screen.

My points started to add up and soon I was in the lead. Edward left me at the last note and sat down, acting innocent.

"What! How did Bella win?" Alice wined as I smirked at her.

"What can I say? I'm just too good" I handed the guitar to Emmett and sat down, next to Edward. Rosalie looked knowingly to Edward but didn't say anything. What is with her today?

Everyone else played for a while longer while I just watched, laughing at Emmett when ever he lost. He really is a bad loser. When they packed it away it was late and I should be home by now.

"I got to go. Charlie will be worried." Alice pouted, causing us to laugh at her.

"Bye Bella." They all chorused. As Edward took me to school this morning, he has to take me home. He got up with a huff and took my hand. I shouted a bye to Esme on the way.

The car ride was comfortable. We didn't speak but Edward put on some classical music. The best kind. I will have to put _Claire De Lune_ on my funeral song list. I sighed at the thought. I had so much fun today I almost forgot.

Edward looked over at me.

"You okay?" He asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked. Just what I didn't want.

"No thanks. It will be okay." He nodded, accepting it.

We pulled up at Charlie's and I was about to get out when Edward grabbed my hand.

"You do look really beautiful." I blushed.

"Thanks Edward. For the compliment and the ride. I will see you tomorrow." He flashed me his dazzling smile and let me get out the car.

I waved at him as he pulled out and down the road. Once he was out of sight I sighed and walked to the door, swinging it open. Charlie was passed out in the living room. The laptop was still on and he had drying tears on his face.

I walked over and looked at the screen. Just as I thought. He was looking up ways to 'Cure' me. There isn't one. He has looked all over the world to find one surgeon that will tell him they can operate and save my life. They can't.

I love him. I really do, but he needs to accept I am dying. There is no way I am going to live. It's too late.

"Dad." I called, gently shaking his shoulder. He woke up straight away and sat up.

"Hey Bells." He grumbled, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"Go to bed. I'll tidy up." He looked reluctant but nodded anyway.

"Night Bells. I love you." He kissed my forehead softly.

"Night. Love you to." He trudged up the stairs and I could here him getting ready for bed.

With I sigh I got up and trudged to the kitchen. I started by putting on a load of washing. Once that was on, I did the dishes and put them away.

I'll sort the washing in the morning. I went upstairs and jumped into the shower. Washing all the hair products out and the make-up off. I dried off and changed into my pyjamas.

Climbing into bed I grabbed my list and crossed off number seventeen. Cry because of a sad film. I also jotted down that I wanted _Claire De Lune _played at my funeral.

The tears came as I slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

**Sorry it's short. Please review and I promise to update ASAP.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	5. Number 2

**I have decided just to put the numbers as the titles and you will have to read and find out what it is she is doing. Please review even if it is just to say how rubbish you think it is. I do take everything you say to mind and try to change for the better. Thanks for reading this and enjoy the chapter.**

_Climbing into bed I grabbed my list _and_ crossed off number seventeen. Cry because of a sad film. I also jotted down that I wanted Claire De Lune played at my funeral. _

_The tears came as I slowly drifted into unconsciousness. _

**Number two.**

Two weeks have past since I spent the day at the Cullens. Time is flowing so quickly for me now, an I hate it. It's not that I'm scared of dying, it's that I'm scared of leaving my friends, of leaving Charlie.

Charlie needs to come to terms that I am dying. There is no one on this green earth that can save me. It's going to happen. I don't mean to sound morbid, but why make Charlie dream a dream that will never come true?

Today is Saturday and I have nothing to do. The Cullen's have gone camping like they do every month and I am sat at home on my own. Charlie is fishing so even he's not here.

I was going to do some homework, but I finished it. I thought about a walk but decided against it because it is raining. So I came up with sitting at home watching television. What a great way to spend Saturday. Maybe a little popcorn will help ease the boredom.

I pulled myself up and off the sofa and trudged into the kitchen. I grabbed some microwave popcorn from the cupboard and put it in the microwave. After putting the right time on I pressed go and watched as the bag span around, eventually getting bigger.

The timer went off and I quickly grabbed the snack out, pouring it into a bowl. I was just going to sit down on the arm chair when the house phone rang out loud and clear. Being the klutz I am, jumped and the popcorn went everywhere. I groaned and quickly ran to the phone.

"Hello?" I answered, slightly breathless.

"Hi Bells. Are you okay?" Charlie's voice came from the other end.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just watching a film. How's fishing?"

"It's okay. I'm just ringing to let you know that Billy's son Jacob is on his way over. He's coming to pick up a fishing rod I let there. He knows where it is." He told me.

"Okay. I'll let him in."

"Thanks. Bye Bells. I love you."

"Bye dad. Love you too."

With a sigh I hung up the phone and turned back to the mess in the living room. I'm going to have to tidy that up before anyone come's over. I grabbed the dust pan and brush, seeping up all the popcorn from the floor. Just as I finished vacuuming the door bell sounded. I dusted myself off and went to the door.

If I remember correctly Jacob and I used to be really close when we were kids. He used to come over all the time and we would play in the mud. I remember one time we made mud pie and I convinced Jacob to eat one. He did. Best day ever.

But like all good things, they must come to an end. Me and Jacob fell out two years ago because I started to hang out with the Cullens. He said that they shouldn't be trusted and they were dangerous. Please. Have you seen Alice? She is tiny and couldn't hurt a fly. Unless shopping was involved.

I swung the door back and a gasp escaped my lips. It wasn't Jacob.

**RPOV**

It's times like this, when we are away, that I worry about Bella. She confuses me. I don't understand her at all. A few weeks ago we all went to her house and I went to her room. On her bed was a list. She called it the 'Bucket list'.

From the things on there I assumed it's what she wants to do before she dies. I didn't think anything of it. Most people have a list of things to do before they die. But what confused me was, she had funeral arrangements there as well. Her funeral arrangements.

It's weird. She is only seventeen and she is already planning her funeral. She can't be dieing, because she would of told Alice or Edward and she hasn't. I haven't asked them if she is, but they would of told us if she were.

Sometimes I watch her at school. She seems pale and tired. The first year we met her she was so active and lively. Now she's different. I can't explain it. It's like she is waiting for something to happen. Could she be waiting for death?

I try not to think about it much. If she is dying and she doesn't want anyone to know then that is her business. I wonder if Charlie knows? He's sad as well. When I see him, he isn't as cheerful as he was once before.

Bella's 'Bucket list' is very different as well. It isn't like the usual 'I want to skydive', It's odd. She has a few things like 'cry at a film' and 'Get Jasper to say Relax.' Nonsense like that. But she also has some very powerful things.

I'm mentioned on her list and I want to try and help her finish it. I will help her. When she comes to find me on my numbers I will give her what she wants. I will do exactly what it says on the list.

Many people may think I hate her. I don't. Only my family know why I don't really speak to Bella. The truth is, I'm jealous. She has everything. Beauty, friends, a dad that would do anything for her, Edward. Everything.

When I first joined the Cullen's, I had a soft spot for Edward, but he turned me down every time I tried. I couldn't understand why. Back then all I cared about was my looks. There is no denying I am very beautiful, but I'm nothing compared to Bella in Edwards eyes.

Edward features a lot on Bella list. I think, no, I know she loves him. She wants Edward to tell her he loves her. He will. Everyone, other that Edward and Bella, know that he loves her. But they will, soon.

"Hey babe." Emmett called, walking over to me and sitting on the log next to me. I leaned into him and breathed in his glorious smell.

"Hey." he leaned down and placed a tender kiss to my lips. The soft spot I had for Edward left as soon as I met my Emmett. He is my soul mate. I love him with all my heart.

"You okay?" He asked concerned.

"Just thinking. You?"

"I'm good." I nodded in acceptance. The great thing about Emmett is he doesn't push for information. He may seem like a kid, but he is a man at heart and knows exactly when to not put his nose in.

We sat in each others embrace for a while. Watching the sun leave the sky and the stars come instead. I love when we come here. Everything is so beautiful. I could hear my family walking round and talking to their loved ones. Edward was on the phone so I decided to listed to him.

**BPOV**

"Can I help you?" I asked the man at my door. He had russet coloured skin and short black hair. His face as angular and his eyes were black. He tattoo on his right shoulder was circular with a pattern I couldn't make out. He was big built and very good looking.

"I'm hurt Bella. Don't you recognise me?" He teased. It couldn't be.

"Jacob?" I asked in disbelief.

"The one and only." He grinned, showing off his straight white teeth.

"You have changed. A lot." He rolled is eyes. Last time I saw Jacob he was scrawny with long black hair and a baby face.

"Well done Bell. You gonna let me in?" He asked. I nodded, dumbly and stepped aside.

He walked into the living room and plonked down on the settee. I was going to tell him off for being so rude when the house phone rang, again. I walked into the kitchen and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Thanks god. Are you okay?" Edward's panicked voice came through the phone.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" I was so confused. Why did he ring me to ask if I'm okay?

"No reason." He answered to quickly. I raised my eye brow even though he wouldn't be able to see it.

"Okay?" I dragged it out.

"What are you up to?" He asked innocently. Too innocently.

"Well I was going to watch a film, but decided against it. Then Jacob dropped round to pick something up for Charlie."

"Jacob? As in Jacob Black?" He growled?

"Yeah. Why?"

"No reason. I have to go Bells. be careful and I will see you tomorrow." He hung up before I had time to reply.

I hung the phone up and went back to the living room, only Jacob wasn't there.

"Jacob?" I called out.

"Up here." He called out from upstairs. What's he doing up there? I followed his voice and found him in Charlie's room. He was under his bed getting the fishing rod Charlie left behind.

Once he had it, he got out from under the bed and walked over to me.

"You've changed." He stated. I raised my eye brow at him.

"How so?" I asked.

"Your gorgeous." He said in a 'Duh' tone. Me being me, blushed. "There it is." He teased. I playfully slapped his arm. It was solid. Wow.

"Well I better get this back to Charlie. Cya Bells." He just walked straight past me and left. I followed after him. When I reached him he was just about to get on a motorcycle.

"Hey, Jacob?" I paused getting on and looked over at me.

"Yeah?"

"Can you take me on a ride?" I asked. He looked confused.

"Why?" He raised his eye brow at me.

"I just want one ride. Please. Just to the end of the road and back. I won't ask again. Please?" I gave him the best puppy dog eyes I could muster up. He sighed but nodded anyway. I smiled and ran to the door, closing and locking it.

I ran over to him and climbed on the back. I grabbed his waist and he sped off down the road. It was exhilarating. The wind lapping at my hair, making it billow out behind me. The vibrations from the engine making a revving sound as the bike turned the corner.

The heat from Jacob body was dulling the cold gust coming towards us. My eyes watered slightly from the air, but I didn't care. I love this feeling. I would have to do this again before I die.

Jacob rounded another corner and pulled up outside my house again. I pouted because I didn't want to get off, but I did anyway.

"Thanks Jacob." I smiled at him, trying to tame my hair because the wind had messed it up.

"Anytime Bells. I better be off. Bye." He called as he sped down the road. I sighed and walked back to the house, unlocking the door and letting myself in.

I walked upstairs to my room and grabbed my list from under my bed. I read down the list and sighed. I have twenty two things left to do in just over five months. I will do it. I know I can.

I found the one I needed and crossed it off. 2: Ride a motor cycle. It's not one of the best on the list but I enjoyed it. Just as I put the list back a car pulled up outside.

**Well, this is a crappy chappy :). There is her number '2'. What did you think of Rosalie's POV? Tell me in a review? If you would like anything to happen in this story please tell me as I love all my reviewer's ideas. What would you have on your list if you were Bella?**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	6. Number 9

**This is more of a filler as I haven't updated in a while. Sorry. Enjoy. **

_I found the one I needed and crossed it off. 2: Ride a motor cycle. It's not one of the best on the list but I enjoyed it. Just as I put the list back a car pulled up outside._

**Number 9.**

Today is Sunday, and like yesterday, I have nothing to do. I was thinking about making cakes, but we have no eggs. then I thought about watching some television, but I did that yesterday.

Why do the Cullens have to go out of town? I'm so bored. I think I would rather go shopping with Alice then sit here. I hate shopping. That's how bored I am.

There's only one thing I can really do on my list without people. Go to see mum's grave. I didn't go to her funeral. It hurt to much. The doctors said I was in shock because of the whole thing. I wouldn't eat, sleep, anything.

I should really go and see her. Charlie takes flowers down every year but I can't. I know she is dead, I accept that, but going to visit the last place she will ever be is too much.

But I need to get over this fear and go. She's my mum. I should see her. I got the list and crossed of number nine: Visit mum's grave. I put the list back, now I have to go, no going back on the list.

With a sigh I rolled out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. The room filled with steam as I waited for the water to warm.

If mum was still alive, would I still have cancer? Would she still be living with me and Charlie? Would she be happy with us? I often wonder what she will look like. No doubt beautiful, she was when she was alive.

I climbed out of the shower and wrapped in a towel. The house may be empty but I don't want to give the neighbours a heart attack. I could just imagine the old man next door going to hospital because he saw me naked. I would die of embarrassment.

Did God plan for this? Did he just decide one day he would kill of the Swan women? First Grams, then mum and in a few months, me. Does he not want anymore Swans?

I walked to the mirror and looked at myself. Black jeans with a pink tank top. Not to formal but nice enough to wear. It's not like she will be able to see me anyway. I'll grab some flowers on the way.

I ran a brush through my hair and put it up in a messy bun. Mum always loved my hair up, something about being able to see my face. I smiled at the memory. I don't have many memories of her, but the ones I do, I cherish.

I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Grabbing a pop tart and my keys, I walked out to my Bessie. She rumbled to life as I turned the key. I smiled at the familiar sound.

Driving through the streets, I looked at the lush greenery of the trees. Everything here is beautiful. I love seeing all the animals running though the trees, the flowers blooming. Beautiful.

I pulled up at the only flower shop on the outside of town. As Forks is so wet, there is always flowers.

"Hello dear. What can I do for you today?" Mrs Webber greeted. Mrs Webber is Angela's mum. Me and Angela used to be really close until she met Ben, her boyfriend and I met the Cullens. We still see each other, but drifted apart.

"Hi Mrs Webber. Can I have a bouquet of Rose's please?" Rose's were mum's favourite flower. She smiled and nodded, walking over to the roses. She collected roses of every colour and tied them together.

Once they were ready she came over and handed me the flowers. I gave her the money and waited for the change.

"Going somewhere nice?" She asked, not being nosy, just curious.

"I'm going to visit Renee. I haven't been and I think I should." She nodded and offered a small smile. As we are the chief of police's family, everyone knows us. It's just one of those things.

After we said our goodbyes, I headed back to Bessie and climbed in, putting the pricey flowers on the passenger seat. I started the truck again and made my way to the cemetery.

I know exactly where her plot is. I help choose it. There is a big tree at the back of the cemetery and the sun shines on it. I chose for her to be rested there. I have also paid for myself to be placed next to her. Charlie said when the time comes, he will join us.

I slowed down at the entrance of the cemetery. Driving to the back, I parked the truck and picked up the flowers with shaky hands. I didn't bother to lock the truck. Who would want to steal her?

A small ray of sun was shining on her head stone and glistened as I walked towards it. As I got closer the writing n the head stone got clearer.

'_Here lays Renee Swan. _

_Born 1967 - Died 2007. _

_Wife, Mother, best friend.'_

She wanted it to be kept simple. She did some of the arrangements in the weeks she was in hospital, but as she was ill she couldn't do much. She sorted her will, chose a song to be played and told everyone she loved them. That was it.

I chose the best friend part, because she was. She was my best friend. Growing up, it wasn't like having a mum, just really cool big sister. She truly was the best.

I sighed and sat down on the grass next to her.

"Hi mum." I mumbled. The tears were pricking at my eyes. This is harder than I thought it would be.

I sighed and put the flowers in the vase next to the head stone. I don't know what to say to her. The last time I saw her, she was strapped to a bed with tubes coming from every angle. She looked dead before she was. Will I look like that?

"How are you?" I blurted. How is she? She's dead. Of course she's not okay. I cleared my throat and looked at the head stone. I traced the words with my fingers.

"I miss you." I stuttered. My voice was getting thick with tears. I would cry before I leave. I know that much.

"I wish you were here. I need you." A tear fell but I didn't move to wipe it away.

"Dad needs you too. He's so sad. I haven't heard him laugh since you left us. He hasn't smiled since we found out I'm dying to. I will join you soon, but dad will be on his own. He has no-one. I don't want to leave him. But I want to see you again. I want my mum back."

I chocked back a sob. I do miss her so much.

"I'm sorry I didn't say good-bye to you. I couldn't face you being put into the earth forever. Never seeing your smile again. I sat at home, while you were being buried, and stared at the wall.

"I tried to look after dad, like you asked. But I was fourteen and I needed my mum. I started my period just after you left us. I thought I was dying to. I could even ask dad. He's a guy."

I laughed at the memory. I was at school and didn't know what was going on. Angela found me sobbing on the floor in the bathroom because I thought I was dying. She had to explain everything to me. It shouldn't have been her. It should have been Renee.

"Angela was there though. She helped. She was my rock when you left us. Dad wasn't any help to me. He wasn't dad anymore. I didn't know who he was." I was sobbing and finding it hard to speak, but I needed to talk to her.

"What's it like up there? Is it hot? Is it dryer than Forks? Of course it is, it's not hard.

"Save a place for me up there. I'll join you soon." I checked my watch and it said I had been here for about three hours. Time has flown by. I should get back soon and cook dinner for me and Charlie.

"I have to go now, mum. Charlie needs feeding." I chuckled through my tears. "I promise to be back soon. I love you mum. See you soon." I kissed her head stone and got up.

Wiping the tears away I turned to Bessie and walked back to her. As I climbed in I took one last look at her grave. The sun was still shining on her dimly as it started to rain.

I sped down the road as the rain started to pick up. I'm just glad it didn't rain before now. As I pulled up to the house, a familiar silver Volvo was parked on the side of the road.

I could see someone in the drivers seat as I pulled into the driveway. The cruiser wasn't here yet so Charlie must still be at work. I checked myself in the mirror, making sure all traces of tears had gone. They had. Smiling to myself, I got out of the cab.

Edward walked towards me as I climbed out and stopped in front of me, his crooked smile present.

"You've been crying." He stated. How did he know?

"What?" I asked in disbelief. I looked fine in the mirror before I got out.

"You have been crying. What's up?" He asked. His smile left his face and a look of concern came across it.

"I went to see mum." I shrugged. He nodded and pulled me into a hug.

I embraced him back and breathed in his scent. He smelled amazing like always. Musk and mint. My favourite. I smiled into his chest and he kissed my head. My heart was hammering against my chest. How can he have this effect on me?

I pulled away after a moment. I didn't want to but we were both soaking wet now. He took my hand and led me to the house. I unlocked the door and took Edward into the living room.

He sat on the chair and pulled me onto his lap, holding me. I snuggled into him. If anyone was to walk in they may think we are a couple, but this is how we are. We can sit like this and not feel weird. He does it because he is my friend and I do it because I love him.

I started to shiver from the wet of the rain and the cold of Edward's body. He is always cold to me. He chuckled and stood up, me in his arms. I shrieked, not expecting it, as Edward carried me upstairs and into my room. He put me on my bed and left the room, saying for me to get changed. I did as told and put on some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt.

"Edward?" I called.

"Yeah?" He called back from outside.

"You can come in now." I said.

"Okay." He said, but didn't come in. What's he doing?

I sighed and walked to the door. As I opened it, Edward was stood there leaning against the door frame with his crooked smile. I think my heart stopped seeing him like this. So beautiful.

I shook my head and walked past him, heading for the stairs. Suddenly I was in the air, over Edward's shoulder. We both laughed as he ran downstairs. He was bounding, making me jiggle.

He dropped me on the settee and hovered over me, laughing. When the laughter died down, I saw his eyes flicker to my lips and back to my eyes. I had the urge to lean up and press my lips to his.

I stared into his dark topaz eyes as he stared back at me. They flickered back to my lips and he leaned down……..

**Cliffy. Sorry about the bad chapter. I will update ASAP but I have an exam Monday and I should be revising. Thanks for reading an please, please, please review. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	7. AN please read

I am so sorry, but I am putting this story on hold until I finish my others. I have exams fast approaching and I need to concentrate on them. I also am running out of idea for this story. If you have any I would love to hear them. If you are reading 'Surrogate' I am still writing that one, but updates may be less frequent on that also. I am sorry again. I will be back as soon as I can.

Twi-girl09

x


	8. 15

**Missed me? ;). Well I'm back now and have another chapter just for you, my lovely readers! Sorry about the wait, but, I was having writers block. I have also shortened the list to eighteen not twenty five. So, anyway, on with the story. Enjoy.**

_I shook my head and walked past him, heading for the stairs. Suddenly I was in the air, over Edward's shoulder. We both laughed as he ran downstairs. He was bounding, making me jiggle._

_He dropped me on the settee and hovered over me, laughing. When the laughter died down, I saw his eyes flicker to my lips and back to my eyes. I had the urge to lean up and press my lips to his._

_I stared into his dark topaz eyes as he stared back at me. They flickered back to my lips and he leaned down….._

**15**

I could smell his fresh minty breath fanning across my face, his lips only a breath away. I let my eyes flutter slowly close, waiting for this to actually happen. I have waited ages for this, and now it's happening. I could sense how close his lips were to mine, the outline of his top lip faintly brushing across my own.

I eagerly awaited his lips to meet mine, to finally feel the smooth skin move against my own. They didn't. I opened one eye, to see why he hadn't closed the distance. He was sat, one ankle resting on the other leg, watching the television screen intently. he had the remote in hand and looked like none of this had just happened.

I opened my other eye, looking at him. he didn't even acknowledge me. I felt hurt. I was going to ask him what was wrong when the front door opened, Charlie walking in from work.

"Hey kids." He greeter, dumping his work stuff on the stair and coming in. I let my eyes leave Edward and looked over to where has had sat.

"Hi dad." I squeaked, a blush covering my cheeks. What if Charlie had walked in and we had kissed? My cheeks darkened just thinking about it.

I huffed and got off the chair, leaving Edward where he is. I stormed upstairs, thoroughly disappointed. flopping down on my bed, tears blurred my vision. I had honestly thought he was going to kiss me. How wrong I was. I'm so stupid sometimes.

I could hear footsteps on the stairs, probably Charlie asking if I want pizza. the door opened, the person there not even knocking. I turned to glare, but couldn't when I saw Edward there.

"Hi." He mumbled, coming in and shutting the door. I nodded, blinking back the tears. He sighed and sat next to me. I moved, wrapping my arms around my knees to give him room.

I rested my head on top of my knees, staring out the window, looking anywhere but at him. I couldn't help but notice the awkward silence that had fallen over us.

"I'm sorry." He blurted. I nodded, not really wanting to talk about it. I only have a small amount of time left and I am going to enjoy it.

"Look at me. Please?" I sighed and turned my head, facing him.

"What do you want Edward?" I didn't mean for my voice to sound as harsh as it did.

"I came to say goodbye. Esme rang, she wants me home." I looked at my legs and nodded.

"Okay. See you later then." He groaned in frustration and got up. Placing a kiss to the top of my head, he walked to the door, paused and turned to look at me again.

"Bye Bells." I smiled weakly and nodded.

I stayed in my room for a while, watching the rain as it splattered on the window, running down in tiny rivers. So peaceful. when it got to eight, I could hear Charlie's shouting and tears. I got off the bed and walked downstairs to see him on the laptop, again.

I walked over just as he hung up the phone. He didn't hear me and jumped in shock as I slammed the lid off the laptop down.

"Bells? You scared me." He looked up and frowned when he saw my face. His cheeks were still covered in tear tracks and his eyes were red and bloodshot. He wiped the tears away with his big hands and gestured to the chair next to him. I sat, and turned my body to face him.

"Bells? Are you okay?" His gruff voice asked, thick with tears.

"Dad, I'm dieing." He looked at the floor.

"Not if I can help it." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, and angry noise leaving my lips.

"Dad! I am dieing. There is nothing that you can do to stop that. No-one can help me now. it's too late." I yelled, annoyed. His shocked face looked back up to me.

"I want to help Bella. Someone might be able to help you." He pleaded.

"Dad, I love you and thank you for trying. But there is nothing anyone can do. I want to enjoy my time left. I don't want you to be sad." I shook my head, letting tears fall. his rough hands came up and wiped away the tears.

"How can I help? Bella, tell me. How can I help you then. I can't sit and do nothing while this happens to you."

"Be happy." I admitted, my eyes meeting his. "Get married again. Grow old with a smile. Die peacefully in your sleep. I don't know. Just please, stop this madness. It is too late." More tears brimmed and he broke down, sobbing into his hands. I have never seen him so sad before. It hurt, worse than finding out I was going to die. The pain in my chest, multiplied as more tears fell from his eyes.

I cried my own tears, watching as his fell onto his jeans, on the chair. I let him take me in his arms, sobbing into my shoulder. I cried into him, letting all the hurt fall away in the form of tears. his crying never slowed, eventually crying himself into unconsciousness.

I rocked slowly back and forth, rocking both myself and my father as I stared at the black television. I have waited a long time for him to except I am dying. maybe, this has gotten through to him. Maybe he will finally let me go when the time comes. I know he was only trying to help, but it was making things worse for us both.

Charlie's quiet snores filled the room, alerting me that he is now fully asleep. I tried not to disturb him as I rested his head on the back of the chair, trying to get him comfortable. he snuggled into the soft cushions as I got up.

I opened the laptop, not even looking at the screen as I turned it off and put it away. going into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass of water ad took some headache pills, feeling a migraine coming on. I leaned against the counter, watching as the rain slowed.

I rolled over and slammed my hand down on my alarm, shutting of the awful beeping. I rolled onto my back, looking up to the ceiling. I leaned under my bed, remembering there is something i need to do. I grabbed my list and crossed of number fifteen _'__Make dad except that I am dying'. _After staring at the ceiling for a while, I got up and went to shower.

Once I was ready, I went downstairs, greeting Charlie in the kitchen. he was at, readying the paper while drinking a coffee.

"Morning Bells, good sleep?" I nodded, biting into an apple.

"Yeah thanks. How was your?" I asked after I swallowed, taking another bite of the juicy fruit.

"Better than I have had in a long time." I smiled around my apple.

I finished with plenty of time, but decided to leave anyway. I walked out to Bessie and climbed in. The roar made me jump. I laughed at myself, noting how stupid that was. She rumbled the whole way to school, but silenced when I parked up and took the keys out the ignition.

I could see the Cullen's looking this way, so I got out, going over. Alice danced over to me, meeting my half way. She ran into my arms, knocking the breath out of me.

"Hey Ali." She snuggled into my stomach, not letting go.

"Hi Bell." Her voice was muffled, making me laugh. She finally let go, but grabbed my hand instead, dragging me over to everyone else.

After everyone had said their hello's, we walked into the school, getting out of the cold. People stared as we walked, probably wondering how the Cullen's are so perfect. to be honest, I ask myself the same thing everyday.

school finished quickly, and before I knew it, I was in the parking lot with the Alice and Rose. Rose was looking anywhere but me. what is up with her? I frowned, thinking about it. After finding no reason, shrugged it off, accepting she will never like me.

Alice was bouncing up and down, like always. But when she turned to me, I instantly knew she wanted something. She confirmed my suspicions when she spoke.

"Bella?" She asked, making my name sound like a song.

"Alice?" I mocked. I think I saw Rose's lip curl up.

"Will you come to our place? Please?" She begged, unleashing the full on puppy eyes and pout. I rolled my eyes, knowing that she already knew the answer. I could never say no to going over to the Cullen's.

"Sure." I shrugged. she clapped and skipped to my truck, gracefully getting in the drivers seat.

I followed, and not so gracefully got in the passenger seat. Alice babbled on and on as she drove, hardly watching the road. I clung to the seat, not wanting to die just yet. Every now and then, she would laugh at my scared fast and push Bessie way past her limit.

We finally got to the house and I was glad to see Esme's car here. There's something I need to do.

**Sorry it short, but at least I have updated right. ;). I am so sorry about the delay, but as I said at the top, I had major writers block. **

**Thanks so much for reading and sticking by me. I know, I'm a sucky writer. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	9. 16

_We finally got to the house and I was glad to see Esme's car here. There's something I need to do._

**16**

I followed Alice and Rose into the house, hearing the laughter of the boys in the living room. I went in after Alice and smiled. All the guys were just sitting around, having a good time. Edward looked up and winked when I came in, making my heart beat faster.

Alice and Rose sat next to their respective partner and I sat on the floor, in front of Edwards chair, holding my knees to my chest.. I felt his hands go to my back, rubbing little patterns on the fabric. I smiled and hung my head, enjoying the feeling of his hands on my back.

I joined in with the laughter, enjoying my time with them all. Nobody was more than a few minutes without a smile on their faces. After a while, Edwards legs went on either side of my body, his hands on my shoulders.

They rubbed my tense muscles and it felt so good, I wanted to moan, but I didn't. I could see Alice shooting glances our way, a knowing smile on her face. I would blush and look away, embarrassed at being caught.

I jumped up when Esme walked down the stairs smiling at us before going into the kitchen. I followed her in, sitting on the counter next to her as she read a book.

"Hi darling. Can I get you anything?" She asked, her eyes flashing to mine. I shook my head and smiled.

"Hey, I was just wondering if we could talk for a minute?" She looked confused but nodded none the less.

"Sure honey, are you in trouble or anything?" She asked, worry laced in her sweet voice. I rolled my eyes at her worry.

"No, I'm fine." I lied, knowing deep down, I'm not. "I just need to talk to you. Please?" She nodded and stood, motioning me to follow her.

She lead my through the house and up the stairs, into Carlisle's study. It was empty, meaning Carlisle must be at work. She went over to the leather settee and I followed, sitting next to her. She angled her body towards me, giving me her full attention.

I looked down to my hands, sitting in my lap. I began to pick at the skin around my nails, thinking exactly what to say through. How exactly could I tell her what I need to say? If I do, will she question it and my reason for telling her this?

"This is going to be really hard to do." I breathed almost silently. In the back of my mind, I hoped she didn't hear that, but her eyes told me she did.

"I have time. Don't rush and start when you need to." I nodded, thankful that she is super understanding. I took a few deep breaths but didn't look up.

"I just want to thank you." I start.

"What ever for dear?" Esme asks, her voice sooth like honey, lacing love into every word.

"For everything." I admit, finally looking up. She smiles and runs a hand over my hair, down my arm and to my hand. She grips it, letting me know she's here.

"When mum died." I start again. "I though I would be alone forever, only having Charlie left. But then I met you guys and I got another family. Charlie is amazing, don't get me wrong, I love him so much." I paused, taking a deep breath and exhaling through my nose. I could feel the tears burning but I blinked them back, not letting them fall.

"I want to thank you for being there for me. I want you to know that I love you so much." A tear fell, but I wiped it away with my free hand. "Your like a second mother to me Esme, I am so happy you guys came into my life." I looked up at her, her eyes were soft. It looked like she wanted to cry, her eyes glassy.

"I don't understand. Why are you telling me all this?" She asked, her voice think. I shrug, not knowing what to say.

"I just want you to know. No, I need you to know. I don't know how I would have survived the last few years without you guys. I am truly so lucky to have you all. You and Carlisle have taken me under your wing, you treat me like one of you, when I'm not. I never will be, but you make me feel wanted.

"I know Charlie loves me, but I never see him anymore. He's always working, or fishing, or anything, but I don't see him." More tears fall and I look down, not wanting to seem weak right now. "I guess I just want to say thank you for everything you have ever done for me. You will always mean the world to me and I need you to know that." A sob racks through my body. A pair of cold arms wrap around me, but I can't help but feel warm within them. I cry as she hols me to her chest.

Through my tears, I can't help but feel happy. Happy now I have told Esme how I feel, although I will never get to convey my true feelings through words, I know she knows how I really feel.

"Thank you Bella, for excepting me and my family. You can never understand how happy you make us and we will always love you, forever." I nod into her shoulder, letting her know I heard her.

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked, my voice thick.

"Of course, anything." She promised.

"If anything ever happens to me, look after Charlie for me. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Let him know I love him everyday and be there for him. Please?" I begged. I could hear the desperation in my voice and I'm sure she could hear it to.

"I promise, on my life." She vowed. I smiled slightly, now knowing Charlie will be looked after when I'm gone.

When I had controlled myself, I back away from Esme. She had a soft smile on her face as she stood and took my hand. She pulled me up and linked arms with me as she lead me from the room and back downstairs. All the Cullen children were watching the television, laughing at a repeated episode of '_Friends'. _

I took my previous seat in front of Edward, sitting between his legs on the floor. His hands, like magnets, went back to my back, rubbing soothing circles there. I smiled at the comfort they offer and scooted back further, letting him get better access.

I noticed Rose look over at us from the corner of my eye. A small smile graced her lips as she looked. I turned, wondering what she was smiling about. I expected her to look away, but she didn't. instead she smiled wider. I was so shocked it took my a few seconds to smile back. When I did, she turned back to the television, rubbing Emmett's arm that wrapped around her waist.

I leant my head back, keeping my eyes on the television. I shot back up and blushed when I heard Edward groan. My eyes were wide when everyone turned to look at us, just as shocked as I am. When Emmett took it all in, he boomed out a loud laugh, making the rest of us burst out laughing.

We all calmed down, but looked at each other as burst out laughing again. All my tears from earlier now gone, I was happy. But I know it won't last long. I decided to move from here and sat on the seat next to Edward instead.

Every glance towards him made me face heat up and a blush spread over my face. All too soon, it was time for me to go home. Alice was going to give me a lift, but Edward volunteered. I agreed and got in the Volvo.

I sat back into the leather interior, sighing in contentment as the new car smell surrounded me. We didn't talk on the way back to my house, sitting comfortably in the silence. The only sound is the slight purr from the engine.

I felt something cold dominate my hand. I looked down and smiled at the sight of a slightly paler one holding it. I turned my hand, lacing my fingers through his. He ran a finger over mine and smiled.

"Your hands are so soft." He mused. I blushed.

"Thanks." He squeezed my fingers between his, letting me know he heard.

We didn't talk again, we didn't need to. When he pulled up to my house, I noticed there was no car there. I sighed, home alone, again. Edward noticed my hesitation.

"You okay?" I nodded.

"Yeah. Charlie's not home." I noted. Edward smirked and nodded.

"I can see that." I groaned. "Do you have to been home right away, or can you come in?" I asked. His smirk got bigger.

"Are you asking me in Bella?" He asked. I nodded, blushing. I let my head fall, my eyes going to our laced hands. I felt his cool finger under my chin, tilting my head back up to look at him.

"I would love to." I smiled and let go of his hand, getting out the car.

He followed suit, getting out ad catching up with me at the front of his car. He took my hand again as we walked up to the door, only letting go when I had to unlock the door. He made his own way to the living room, while I made mine to the kitchen.

I made a sandwich, offering Edward one but he declined, saying Esme will have his dinner for him when he gets back. I shrugged it off, eating the sandwich quickly.

"What do you want to do?" I asked after I had washed up and put everything away.

"I don't mind. Did you want to do something?" He asked. A thought came to me and I told Edward to wait while I did something. He agreed, putting the television on and getting comfortable.

I ran up the stairs taking two at a time until I got to my bedroom. I took out the list and grabbed a pen from the side.

'_16) Thank Esme for everything she has ever done for me.'_

I crossed it off and put the list back where I had found it.

I went back downstairs. Edward smiled up at me as I walked in and patted the seat next to him. I took it willingly and leaned into him as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. We talked about random thinks and laughed at a programme I have already forgotten the name too.

Edward helped me cook Charlie's dinner before he got home. When he did finally show up, we were back in the living room, snuggling on the settee.

"Hey Bells, Edward." Charlie greeted, going towards the food.

"Hey." Me and Edward answered at the same time. We looked at each other and started laughing.

All too soon thought, Edward had to leave. He got up and held my hand, pulling me off the warm settee. He lead e to the door and opened it, pulling me out with him. Before I registered it, I was in Edward's arms, pulled against his chest. I smiled into him, wrapping my own arms around his torso.

"Bye Bella." He whispered in my ear, making a shiver go down my spine.

"Bye Edward." I returned.

"Is it sad that I don't want to go?" He asked. My heart jumped in my chest, my stomach filling with butterflies.

"Is it sad that I don't want you to leave?" I asked. He shrugged, not knowing.

He let go of me and I didn't want to leave his embrace. He chuckled and unwound my arms for around him.

"I'll see you tomorrow. It will be here before you know it." I nodded, knowing he is right.

"I know. Bye." I whispered. He bent down, placing a tender kiss to my forehead.

"Bye beautiful." He breathed.

I watched him as he got into the car and sped down the road. I couldn't help but feel sad as he left. My heart started to beat normally and my face grew cooler. With a sigh, I went back into the house and up to bed, falling onto the soft mattress.

**Good? Bad? Questions?**

**Thanks for reading and please review.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	10. IMPORTANT!

**I am going to Ireland!**

**As you can see, I am going to Ireland to stay with my grandparents. They DO have internet, but I don't know if I will be able to update, but I will be able to see any reviews or messages you all leave me! : (. I'm going for five weeks, so I will update when and if I can. I am so sorry! I will try and update again before I leave in three days, but if I can't, I am sorry. **

**Thanks for reading, if you did.**

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	11. Going home

**I have decided to finish this story quickly. I know it's rushed, but I really want it finished. I'm going to skip most of the list, but I will put it up at the end so you know what she has done. There will only be a few more chapters, sorry. I have lost all inspiration for this story, but I will try my best to make the last few chapters amazing, just for you, my readers. **

**I want to dedicate this whole story to **_**Life's Almost Over**_**. Such a strong and amazing woman, thank you so much for reading this, if you are. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. **

**Twi-girl09 x**

_"Bye beautiful." He breathed._

_I watched him as he got into the car and sped down the road. I couldn't help but feel sad as he left. My heart started to beat normally and my face grew cooler. With a sigh, I went back into the house and up to bed, falling onto the soft mattress._

**Time to go home. **

Over the past few weeks Edward and I have gotten closer and closer, but as time goes on I have been getting weaker and weaker. I can feel my normal lively self slipping away. I always feel tired and grumpy and I'll snap at anyone if they say something. I'm just not me anymore.

Everyone is noticing, they ask me if I'm okay and if I need to go home. They think I have a stomach bug or maybe the flu – if only they knew. I try to be careful, to not let anyone know, but it's too hard to keep trying.

Carlisle is going to take me out of school soon, telling them that it's for my 'holiday'. I know the school won't mind, but the people in it might. Two months left. I have finished my list. Well, sort of. There are only two numbers left, one and eighteen. I hope I can make them happen, but if not I will just have to accept it.

I sigh, alerting my partner. His butterscotch eyes look over at me, checking to see if I am okay. I turn and smile at him, letting him know all is well. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right? He reluctantly turns his eyes back to our biology teacher, letting me get back to my thoughts.

I try not to think too much, it always hurts. I end up thinking of my mother – bless her soul – and how her life was taken away from her at such a young age, a lot like me. I move on to thinking about how much longer I have left, which isn't very long. Time seems to fly past, almost as if waiting for me to die.

The shrill bell rings, making me jump. I see Edward smirk from the corner of my eye as he packs his bag. I mutter something unintelligible and stand, gripping my bag and putting my books in to it. He laughs and swings his arm over my shoulder, leading me out of the room and towards the lunch room.

Nobody takes any notice of Edwards and my relationship anymore. They know we are just friends. When Edward and I first started to get close people gossiped about us, but Rose and Alice soon sorted them out and now they turn a blind eye.

Edward's arm dropped from my shoulder to my hand as he pulled me through the crowded halls. I stumbled along behind him, causing a loud boisterous laugh to sound from his chest. Everyone turned to him at the sound, boys glaring and girls swooning, much like myself.

When we got to the lunch room, my breath was coming out in pants and I just wanted to sit down. Edward noticed, turning towards me with fearful eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, placing both his hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eye. I nodded and looked towards the floor. I feel one of his hands move from my shoulder and to my chin, lifting my head and forcing my eyes to meet his.

"Don't hide from me," he whispers. I smile slightly when he presses his lips to my forehead, then to my cheek. A crimson blush spreads up from my chest, making him chuckle.

"Shut up," I mumble, making him chuckle louder. I look over his shoulder and notice all of the Cullens are watching us. Of course, I blush harder and walk towards the table alone. I sit on one of the spare seats and try to catch my breath. I hang my head, breathing in the much needed oxygen. With one final deep breath I look up and glance around the table.

Everyone is looking at me, worry laced into their gazes.

"I'm fine," I insist, not wanting to see their worry or the questions I know they will fire at me.

"You don't look so fine," Rose tells me. I glare at the table, not her. We have only just sorted out our differences and I don't want to ruin it by glaring at her. I cornered her at the Cullen's a few weeks ago, demanding to know why she doesn't like me. She told me it's not that she doesn't like me; it's because she doesn't like the relationship I have with her family. She's jealous. I assured her I wasn't trying to take her family away and that she had nothing to worry about. She seemed to cool off after that and for that I am thankful.

"I'm fine!" I snap again, looking up at her. She looks shocked but nods anyway, starting a conversation with Edward about his car instead. I put my head back down, sighing. I seem to sigh a lot lately, but I don't know why. I rest my eyes, allowing myself to calm down and relax.

"Umm, Bella?" A soft voice whispers. My head snaps up and I look around the room, noting it is empty apart from me and the Cullen's. Had I been a sleep?

"Sorry to wake you, but the bell is about to go," Jasper told me, his voice dead calm. I nod and sit up in my seat, stretching my arms above my head. I wince as a sharp pain runs through my chest, straight from the killer lump. Edward and Rosalie, who had walked to the doors whispering, looked my way.

"I'm fine." I sigh, for the third time today. Alice skipped off, followed by Jasper after I had a kiss on the cheek and a wave from him. Emmett stood behind my chair and pushed it in after I had stood up. I smiled in thanks, which he returned with one of his own. I stayed silent as I walked with Emmett, Rosalie and Edward. As soon as I reached Edward, he trapped my hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my palm.

The other three talked away while I stayed silent. I can't help but wonder if they will miss me when I'm gone; if they will think about why I went away so quickly. Will they come looking for me while I am 'away'? Do I even want them to come looking for me?

Without my noticing, a single tear slid down my cheek. I brush it away quickly with my free hand and carry on walking. This is the last lesson today – thank heavens – so I'll only be with Emmett. He replaced Edwards hand on mine and dragged me to the classroom. He walked me to my seat and kissed my cheek before going to his own.

Laying my head on the table, I take a deep breath. Why is this taking so much out of me? Why can't I be the old me? The one who made everyone laugh; the one who moaned when Alice took me shopping, but secretly loved it. Why me?

The beat of my heart is now at an agonisingly slow pace. The pain is getting worse as the cancer spreads through my chest. The doctors say I have two months left, but I know it's less. They say that for my sake, for Charlie's. They want me to have hope, but why bother? I know that I am going to lose in the end; everyone does. My demise will just be a lot quicker than others.

"Isabella, are you okay?" Mr Davis, my English teacher, asks. I look up at him, feeling the clammy sweat on my forehead and my hair sticking to it. I try to nod but my head is pounding, making it impossible. I swallow the lump in my throat and try to nod again.

"Fine," I stutter out. He doesn't seem convinced as he looks around the classroom. I look too and see that everyone has turned around and is now looking at me. I know I would usually be blushing at this, but no familiar heat rose to my cheeks.

"Emmett, you're the strongest here, can you carry Ms Swan to the nurse please? She needs to go home." He nods and is by my side instantly. He effortlessly picks me up and cradles me to his body, grabbing my bag; he places it on my lap.

I snuggle into him, basking as the coolness of his skin touches my hot and clammy forehead. A wave of illness flows through my stomach and I struggle again Emmett's hold. He puts me down and I rushed to the bathroom and into one of the stalls. Waves and waves of vomit leave my body and I slump into the floor.

When I finish, I grab some tissue and wipe my mouth before flushing. As I go to drop the tissue, I notice the crimson liquid on the white cloth. Blood. Dizziness overtakes me and I drop the tissue into the toilet pan and flush.

On shaky legs I walk out of the stall and over to the sink. Rinsing my mouth out and splashing my face with cool water, I look in the mirror just in front of me. My skin was paler than usual and slightly green. My eyes are dominated by deep purple bags and aren't as bright as they used to be.

With one last glance, I leave the bathroom to find a very worried Emmett pacing the hall on his phone. He looks up and closes his it before coming over and scooping me up again.

"Are you okay? Do you need to see Carlisle?" He asks. I smile at him, but I'm sure it looks more like grimace.

"No, I just want to go home," I assure him. He nods and heads towards the nurse's office. As he walks, I can't help but feel like I won't be back. I know, deep down, that this will be my last day as a pupil. When I wake up tomorrow I won't be able to get out of bed. This cancer is taking too much too quickly. I know that this will be my last few weeks alive – I just hope Charlie is ready too.

The nurse called Charlie, asking him to come and pick me up. Emmett stayed with me until he arrived, making sure I didn't pass out or anything. When Charlie did arrive his face was worried, but knowing. He knows I haven't got much time left. He knows it will be soon.

We stay silent in the car on the way home; the only sound is the purr of the engine. When we finally get there, Charlie helps me into the house and upstairs to my bed. I fall on it with a groan and snuggle under the duvet.

Charlie sits on the edge of my bed, running a hand through my hair.

"It's soon Dad. I can feel it," I whisper, my voice gruff. He nods, a tear falling down his red cheek.

"I know Bells," his face looks defeated as he watches me.

"I love you," I assure him, trying in any way possible to make him seem a little happier.

"I love you too Bells," he places a single kiss to my forehead before leaving, shutting off the light behind him.

**Sorry, I know its rubbish, but I have serious writers block on this story and I just want to get it finished.**

**I now have a BETA! Her pen-name is dreaming of forever and she is amazing for doing this for me! Go check out her stories!**

**Thanks for reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**X**


	12. Completing the list

This will be the last chapter. I may do a prologue, but this is the last real chapter. Thank you all for sticking with me on this story. I know my updates have been few and far between, but I hope you all enjoyed this story. Thanks for reading.

Twi-girl09

xxxx

_**Charlie sits on the edge of my bed, running a hand through my hair.**_

_**"It's soon Dad. I can feel it," I whisper, my voice gruff. He nods, a tear falling down his red cheek.**_

_**"I know Bells," his face looks defeated as he watches me.**_

_**"I love you," I assure him, trying in any way possible to make him seem a little happier.**_

_**"I love you too Bells," he places a single kiss to my forehead before leaving, shutting off the light behind him.**_

**Completing the list. **

**ChPOV.**

Watching my little girl get weaker and weaker everyday is excruciating. I hate every second of it. The cancer is taking over and its stopping her from living. She says she can feel it, but I can see it too. Her face is losing its normal colour and her eyes are so tired, even thought she sleeps all day.

I sit by her bed every chance I have, gripping tightly to her fragile hand. I got the doctor out and he just confirmed our knowledge, it's sooner than he said it would be. She refuses to take any medicine, saying that they can use it for someone who needs it more than she does. My brave girl, always thinking of others before herself.

The only pills she will take are the pain killers. She wakes after a few hours sleep and empties anything she has eaten. I cant help but get tearful every time she groans in pain or winces. I want my baby girl to be happy and safe. I want her to have children and live her life the way she always wanted too, but she cant. She had on bad cell and now its taking her life away.

Losing my Renee was so hard, but I had Bella to help me through it. Now, I don't have anyone. She's leaving me all alone, no-one to talk to, no-one to cry with after this is all over. She's leaving me and its far to may years before her time. She's only a baby for goodness sakes. My baby.

Watching her sleep now, I cant help but admire her. She is doing this all alone. I couldn't. I would want everyone to know so I can say my goodbyes. I would tell each and every person who means anything to me exactly how much they meant to me.

She told me I can tell one person about all this, but who can I chose? Who could I possible trust to make the pain, I know will come, go away? If I had to chose one person, it would be my Renee. She was the only one who could make me smile when times were bad. If I had the choice, I would have both of my girls, but life doesn't work like that.

I would have never thought that the only two women I have ever loved would leave me way before it was time to. When Renee found out she was pregnant, we had it all planned out. I thought we would be sat on the porch old and grey with our grandchildren running around us. Bella would be pregnant and happily married. Me and Renee would die in our sleep together, so the other isn't alone. Turns out, my plans changed.

Every thought, every dream I had for my baby will never happen. My dreams for her failed the day the test results came back. Terminal. The word makes me feel physically sick. I just wish cancer could get cancer and die. Millions of people have died from this disease and it still wants to take my family. The only people I have left.

A knock sounded on the door and Bella stirred. Her eyes met mine as the doorbell rang.

"You should get that." She croaks, trying to sit up. I stand and push her back down gently, telling her she needs to rest. With one small smile I leave the room and go down the stairs, towards the front door.

Opening it, I try and put on my best fake smile, hoping whoever is on the other side will go away. Opening the door, I see Edward, but he seems different. His eyes are wild as he searches for something behind me. He looks almost distressed.

"Good afternoon Sir. Is Bella in at all?" He asks, but it seems like he already knows the answer. I bite my lip, a habit I picked up from Bella and sigh. What can I tell him? Will she want to see him the way she is? I know for a fact that she loves the boy, but does he love her back. Well, that's a stupid question. The love is so blatant in his eyes, everyone can see it, other than her of course.

Should I chance it and let him in? Or should I ask her first? Sighing I nod and move to let him in. he flashes me a smile and head for the stairs. How he knows she's up there is beyond me. I follow him up and stand by the door as he takes all this in. from where I am, I can see the side of his face. He looks like he's in so much pain as his eyes take the scene in.

Bella stirs again and looks up at Edward, her eye lids heavy.

"Edward?" She asks, reaching up her hand. He nods and takes it, sitting on the side of the bed.

"I'm here baby. It's me." He breathes, brushing some hair away from her face. She smiles and closer her eyes, scooting closer to him. I watch as he climbs on the bed next to her and lays down, wrapping her in his arms and rocking them.

A tear runs down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away, not wanting Bella to see me sad.

"Dad?" Bella asks, looking around Edward at me. I clear my throat and nod. "Can you get my list please?" She asks, her voice cracking. I nod and walk to the computer table, grabbing her list and a pen. I place it next to her and she picks it up with a shaky hand. She doesn't look at it or show Edward, just holds it tightly in her hand.

I know what the last two things on her list are and she is about to cross them off. My heart breaks, knowing it time.

"I chose Edward, Bell. he's who I want to know." I declare. Edward has always been an option for me. It was him or Sue Clearwater. Edward deservers to know and I don't want to bring Sue into my heartbreak. Edward eyes meet mine and he silently tells me 'thank you'. I nod, letting him know it's okay.

"I'm glad." She says, her voice only a breath. Her eyes droop and she falls back to sleep. that's when the tears come. A loud sob falls out of my mouth before I can hold it back. I hastily wipe away the waterfalls come from my eyes and leave the room. Sitting on the top step, I let all the pain out.

For months I have tried to be strong and I cant anymore. The pin of loss is the worst but its even harder when they haven't even left yet. Why cant it be me? She had her whole life in front of her, I've lived mine. I have had the best life I could have had, she hasn't.

I jump when I feel an arm wrap around my shoulder and look up with tear filled eyes. Edward nods in understanding as I continue to sob. We must have sat there for about twenty minutes when the tears began to slow and we joined Bella back in her room.

Edward gets back on the bed with her and wraps her up in his arms again. A small smile graces her face as she sleeps and snuggles up with Edward some more. Sitting on the chair next to her bed, I watch as her face relaxes. I haven't seen her this contentment in months. I am just glad Edward is with her now. I know she loves me, but I was never enough for her. She wanted him here with her as she went, and she got that now. Why didn't I tell Edward sooner?

Coughing and spluttering wakes Bella up and her brown eyes look wildly around the room before they land on Edward. She calms and smiles, closing her eyes before opening them again. He smiles down at her before lowering and placing his lips gently to hers. I look away, giving them their moment as Bella responds to the kiss.

"I love you." She whispers and I look back at her, new tear running down my face. They have their foreheads together and are looking into each others eyes. He smiling at her as she smiles back.

"I love you too. So much." He admits, pressing his lips against hers again.

Pulling back she grabs her list and crosses of the first one. '**Get Edward tell me he loves me'. **he looks over her shoulder and smiles, pressing a kiss to her head and whispering her loves her again. My heart swells with pride of the fact my daughter has found true love. I notice she crosses something else off and I know exactly what it means. It's time.

I swallow back the so as she puts the paper and pen on the floor and snuggles into Edward side. Her eyes meet mine over his shoulder and she smiles. I try to smile back, but the tears are falling to fast.

"I love you daddy." She says, nodding her head. I stand and go over, kissing her forehead.

"I love you too baby. Sleep well." She smiles and looks at Edward.

"Love you." She whispers.

"Love you." She smiles and a single tear runs down her cheek.

I sit back down and watch as she closes her eyes. Edward holds her hand as her breaths even out. Sitting and watching her every breath, they stop. Silent tear run down my cheeks as Edward checks her pulse.

"She's gone." He whispers, kissing her head. I sob out loud and hang my head. He holds her and sways, whispering that he loves her.

It's too much and I leave, going downstairs and calling her doctor, letting him know it's happened. He said he was sorry and someone would be over soon to take her body. Sitting on the settee, I let the sobs come out and the tears fall. I'm all alone.

In a way, I'm glad. I'm glad she is no longer suffering and is in a better place. I'm glad that she is with her mother again. I have no-one left for me now. I'm the chief of police and I haven't got a member of family alive. Would I be missed if I was to go? Everything I know is gone. I want to join them, but could I do it? Of course I can't. they would want me to do that. I need to get Bella's funeral together and give her the send off she deserves.

Hours pass and the ambulance arrives to take Bella away. Edward and me sit in the front room as they bring her down. Seeing her in a body bag makes me all to the floor, sobs shaking my body. My little girl. I need her alive. How can they just put her in a bag, like she wasn't ever a person. She's my little girl, my angel.

Edward left when night came around, promising to come back tomorrow and help me with the funeral. I sat on the living room settee and looked around the room. No sound could be heard, not even my cries. I yearn to hear her moving around the house, to be singing in the kitchen as she cooks.

I want my baby girl back.

**Soo….. What ya think? I was actually crying writing this. Mascara everywhere, snot, the lot. Not a pretty sight. This is also my first Charlie POV chapter ever. I hope I did him justice. This was super hard to write, that's why it took so long. Also this isn't beta'ed because I just wanted to get it up so my loyal readers can read. **

**A few days ago my friend hung herself so I am sorry if this is really bad. I am pretty upset about it all and I would really like your reviews to cheer me up. The next update will be the epilogue. **

**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my story. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**


	13. Epilogue

**Sorry I forgot to put it in, but the last thing on her list was to die happily. Thanks you all for reading. **

**I know many of you have already read this, but i did add in a few paragraphs because i didnt explain everything and some of you were asking questions. i hope i cleared everything up, but if not, PM me and I will happily explain it for you. Thanks so much to all of you reading. **

**Twi-girl09**

**x**

**Epilogue. **

Two men stand on the top of a hill, one older and one younger In age. Both men, thought incredibly different, are there for the same reason. To mourn a loved one. The soft pitter-patter of rain falls mistily onto the blank umbrella held high above both heads.

The wind blows cold and swirls around the two men as they stand on the hill top. So sad and full of sorrow, the two men have their arms around each others shoulders, looking at the small headstone. Tracing the words that run across, the older man sighs.

He tries hard to keep his tears away, but they build ad build, until the dam breaks. They fall down his checks, mixing with the few spots of rain that manage to take refuge on his warm cheeks. The younger man looks down at the older man and notices the tears. He feels the mans pain through the older mans mind and it burns deeply in his dead heart.

The younger man still feels the hurt of losing the one he loves the most. His soul mate, his best friend. He loves her deeply and it pains him to see her name on the headstone. To feel the pain he does, as well as the pain coming from the older man, it hurts to his very core.

The older man managed to swallow back the tears and breathed deeply, planning his speech in his head. The younger man smiles as he hears what is about to be said and knows that she would be proud of him.

"It's been a year Bells," The older man begins, pausing to take in a deep breath. "A year today I lost the only thing I had left. The pain is still right here, right in my heart." He proves his point by pointing to his chest with his free hand. The younger man nods in agreement, knowing the same pain. "It hurts not coming home to see your smiling face everyday. It hurts to know I could have done more for you. I just hope you know I do love you and I always will. I miss you Bell. "He stops again, trying to calm himself before the tears build again.

The younger man looks down at the floor, knowing the words on the stone are just words. Just words that prove what he already knows. It only tells him the day the world lost her, and the day she was born. A few words are written on the bottom, saying how loved she was and how it was far too soon. It was to soon. She was wise beyond her years, but she was still young. Still a baby in everyone's eyes.

"I miss you baby." The younger man begins. "My life isn't the same without you. Everyone at home is mourning you, although they don't know where you are. They don't know you are gone. Alice wanted to come and find you, but I stopped her. I made her let you go." He shook his head, remembering it all. "It been hard on everyone, not having you around. But I feel it has been harder on me. You were my reason for living, you were my sunshine. I love you so much." He stops, feeling his throat restricting with tears he will never shed.

The younger man leans down, placing two bouquets of flowers, one lilies and the other roses. Every few months, he comes from Alaska and places flowers on her grave, one lilies and the other roses. He feels the need to show his love, even if it is something simple.

Looking at the grave, he feels sadness, but he knows something the other man doesn't. He knows its empty.

**ALASKA. Two days later.**

A beautiful young couple sit on the settee in a beautiful open house. The sun shining, rare to the tiny town of Denali, shines through the glass wall and reflects and the beautiful couple, making them sparkle like a thousand diamonds this would be a rare sight to any human that would gaze upon them, but here, it's normality.

The young man cups the woman's face and brings her lips to meet his. Kissing him has never changed for her, but for him, she no longer holds the warmth he experienced the first time their lips met. He revelled in the warmth and loved the tingling sensation that ran through him. The tingling never left, if anything, it has intensified since the change that over took her body.

She loves kissing him, it makes her feel beautiful, even though she knows she is not. She knows he will always be the one for her, but she fears he will stop loving her if he ever gets bored with her, the brown haired, golden eyed beauty. He knows he will love her for the whole of eternity, but she still fears it, even though he tells her everyday at least five times.

He will never regret saving her. He will never regret lying to Charlie when he told him, she had died. After he left the room, he bit her, making her who she is now. She told the ambulance crew she had already been taken when they arrived and he comforted Charlie as they carried down an empty body bag. He stole her body as she quivered in pain and he will never regret it.

He loves her so much and he would do absolutely anything for her. She knows it and loves him for everything he has ever done for her. She loves that he could help her complete her bucket list and he loves that he did to. She died happily and her after life is even better because she has him with her.

She loves the new her, but is still getting used to it all. She never thought she would be lucky enough to be a part of this magical and mysterious life. She thought her number was up, she could feel it and yet she still lives life the way she was suppose to. Sure she can never have children, or sleep again, but she doesn't care.

The first few months of this new life was horrible for her. She refused to hunt, or even move, she couldn't even remember anything from her old life. Her mind was full of pictures, but she couldn't put faces to names. She couldn't remember who she was or who the beautiful man in the room with her was.

She, however, worked though it. She recovered all her memories, she hunted and she began to talk again. Her voice was foreign to her ears, but it sounded like bells. She couldn't believe she sounded like that. Her voice has grown on her now, as has the speed. The diet, however is still hard on her. She craves human blood, but she tries so hard not to attack anytime someone is near.

The young couple break their kiss and look into each others eyes, gold into gold. The love they share is pure and unfiltered. When ever someone enters the room, they feel it. You can see it in their eyes when they talk about each other, or see one another. It's truly magical and everyone else knows it.

"A whole year." She sighs, taking the male of guard. He hates not being able to see into her mind, something she loves. She loves having the privacy that nobody else can have. She loves being a mental mute to her mate, and she uses it to her advantage almost everyday.

"I know." He sighs, eyeing her carefully. "Are you happy?" He asks, his nerves showing in his voice. She smiles at him softly before chastely kissing his lips.

"Of course I am." His nerves vanish as soon as the words leave her lips. He instantly feels better and breaths a sigh of relief. She giggles and kisses his lips once more before standing and going to one of the open windows.

The scenery would take her breath away if she needed to breath. The sheer beauty of it all still amazes her, even after seeing it nearly everyday for the past nine months. She loves the way the birds sawing through the sky, the way the snow covers the mountain tops. A pair of arm wrapped around her waist from behind and she sighs in contempt and leans into the, enjoying the tingling sensation it gives.

"I can't wait to make you my wife." He whispers again her necks. She smiles and closes her eyes, enjoying the feeling.

"Only one more week." She answers just a softly. The excitement that courses through her at the mention of her wedding, is enough for him to feel as well. He loves that he will be adding another ring to her finger. He loves the fact she will be Mrs. Cullen and that she will be his wife.

"I'm counting down the seconds." He whispers, pouring love into every word. She turns in his arms and looks into his smouldering eyes.

"Tell me, you love me." She asks, smirking at their own joke.

"I love you, Isabella Swan." he replies, capturing her lips once more.

The end!

**Well, what did you think?**

**Thank you all for reading this and sticking by me with my crappy updates and rubbish gaps in between said crappy updates. This hasn't been BETA'ed because I just wanted to get it up for you, my loyal readers. I have twitter! So if you want to follow me, the link should be on my profile! **

**Thank you all soooo much. Twi-girl09**

**x**


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